Job hunting, girl issues and decorating...

i haven't been on here for aaaaages haha so much has happened since then xD i failed my a levels btw, CEU isn't exactly what i was hoping for, and i was the one that ruined mrs Bennett's 100% pass rate for A2 maths oops i feel a lot better now im not stuck in that prison haha i cbb with punctuation again this keyboard is annoying grrr haha i still don't have a job so no money at all i really want to learn to drive though! I got my mugshots done for my license tho im so ugly in them haha i dont wanna sound like a stuck up brat but ive decided im actually kinda pretty i  think xD i really want to work in construction for some reason (random change of subject but oh well, its how my brain works xP) the only thing that slightly puts me off is the fact that not many girls do it, in some ways that makes me more determined but i hate people looking at me, i hate it when idiots drive past n yell stuff at me, i really don't care what they think of me grrrrrr i don't wanna know if they think im fit or whatever just leave me alone! While im ranting about girl issues i might as well include other annoying things like hair n makeup n pressure to look perfect n periods (this is another million issues in itself, spending a week trying to avoid walking around is hard!) n twisted bra straps (actually kinda painful if the clips dig in lol) boys don't have to deal with all that, and that's before you get onto childbirth haha, it sounds like enough to put me off children for life! Im so tired right now but i don't feel sleepy, ive spent ages crying and listening to music cause my big black shadow if depression is following me as around again i hate it we're decorating mine n beanies room atm I've had no space of my own for a week now its starting to drive everyone crazy cause there's boxes of stuff everywhere upstairs getting dressed is a massive complicated fuss cause there's stuff in front of the wardrobes its gonna b amazing when its finished but i want my bed back now haha im just randomly waffling on about nothing again lol its what it does best though i love just writing or typing n letting all my random thoughts out, its slightly harder when you know SOMEONE is waiting to read it im gonna end up putting a load of sappy stuff on here cause i love my evil genius ninja dwarf, even if it takes forever til he can actually b my boyfriend xD haha ive got the bestest best friends in the world they help me so much, i find it so hard to let people in (hey random people reading this i don't know you so i dont mind if you know stuff about me haha) i hide stuff from nearly all the people im close to, its not that i don't trust people im just scared of letting them see how bad i get sometimes, i scare myself enough with how close ive been to ending my life, but it would i was watching the music video for pink - perfect, it reminded me of myself in more ways than id like but i think im probably at the part when she realises she does want to live, I've finally found my reason to be happy xD n the only way i could b happier is if i could actually fall asleep cuddled up to him haha idec if im being a sap i love imagining the future it gives me something to look forward to xP i should probably shut up now haha this has taken me a few days to write and I've been through so many moods so sorry if it doesn't make much sense haha I'll write another one soon xP bye x